| | | | The Mad Libs version of Trump's immigration speech |  | | Look: I don't know EXACTLY what President Donald Trump is going to say about immigration and the border wall in his prime time address at 9 p.m. Eastern tonight.
But I have a pretty good idea -- based on what he (and his administration types) have said over the 18 days of the government shutdown. So in honor of my 6-year-old son who is WAY into Mad Libs right now -- and basically writes "butt" or "poop" every single time you are asked to supply a noun -- here is my Mad Libs version of what Trump will say.
Enjoy!
My Fellow Americans. I speak to you tonight at a moment of [noun meaning extreme peril] for our country.
In 2016, I ran a [adjective that describes utter greatness] campaign for president. No one said I could win. And then I did. [Adverb for "large"].
In that [adjective meaning glorious -- oh hell, just say "glorious"] race, I promised we would build a wall to protect our southern border. And the people would [verb], "Build that Wall." So [adjective for the most glorious thing you have ever heard].
But now, [adjective for lowliest scum on earth] Democrats in Congress are keeping the government closed because they don't care about keeping you safe. They are for open borders, letting any [very, very negative adjective] individual cross into America without even knowing who they are.
In 2018 alone, [debunked stat about terrorists crossing the southern border] crossed into the United States. We can't let it happen, folks. Can't do it. In fact, I was talking to past presidents and they told me [falsehood that ex-presidents told Trump they should have built the wall].
This has to end. I've long proposed we build a wall of [literally any building substance in the world]. And even some Democrats agree that if we build the wall out of [any building substance you didn't name above] we can get it done. And done soon.
We need to do it. No choice!
I spent the holidays at the White House, [synonym for loafing around, watching TV and tweeting]. And federal workers just kept telling me to keep the government closed because they would [adverb meaning thrilled] forego paychecks for years, if need be, to secure the border. So true.
Therefore, I am going to continue to [verb for take the ball and go home] until Democrats come to the table with a reasonable proposal on how we can get the wall built and the government re-opened. Maybe it will take [some measure of time between 1 year and 100 years]. Maybe it will take [some measure of time between 1 millisecond and 1 hour]. Who knows? Have to wait and see how it plays out.
But I'll be right here, [bellicose verb] for the American people -- ensuring that their border is [adjective for the tightest security ever].
Thank you, and may God continue to bless the United States of America.
-- Chris | | "It has been a long, hard haul, but I am getting better."
-- Former Rep. Gabby Giffords marking eight years since the shooting that nearly killed her by helping introduce a bill on Capitol Hill today requiring background checks on private transaction gun sales. | | | 9 p.m. ET: President Trump delivers his address from the White House (which you can watch on CNN and CNN.com)
Shortly afterward: House Speaker Nancy Pelosi and Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer will deliver a response to Trump speech.
And then after that: Vermont Sen. Bernie Sanders will stream his own response to Trump's speech on social media platforms like YouTube, Facebook and Twitter.
And of course, follow CNN.com's live coverage of the night of many speeches. | | MEET YOUR NEW CONGRESS: KELLY ARMSTRONG | | This lone Republican Rep. from North Dakota knocks today's Meet Your New Member of Congress interview out of the park -- in part because he's a massive baseball fan (and Lauren can't resist the pun).
Today, Rep. Kelly Armstrong weighs in on what needs to happen next with the government shutdown, why four-wheel-drive is important on the campaign trail, and his abiding love for a good ballpark dog.
Lauren Dezenski: In five words, describe how you felt being sworn in.
Kelly Armstrong: Humbled, honored, love my family.
LD: What's your top priority in your first term?
KA: My top priority is to give North Dakota a bold, conservative voice in Washington. What's good for North Dakota is good for the country. I'll work to grow jobs and expand opportunities for North Dakota farmers, ranchers and energy workers.
LD: What do you think will happen with the government shutdown?
KA: Speaker Pelosi needs to come to the table with a real offer of compromise on border security with the President and Senate Republicans. So far, they've only brought unrealistic proposals that won't reopen the government. The time for political posturing is over. Let's work together to secure the border and fund the government.
LD: What was your biggest lesson from your campaign?
KA: North Dakota is a big state, and being the only representative for the state, I spent many hours, days, and weeks on the road talking with and listening to voters where they live. The lesson is to have a reliable vehicle, preferably with four-wheel-drive to handle snow and ice, that you can put a lot of miles on.
LD: Do you have a favorite pump-up song? What is it?
KA: "Brave Man's Death" by J. Roddy Walston & The Business.
LD: Tell me about your favorite food from your district.
KA: Any hot dog at a baseball park across the state.
Fear not, we have even more interviews lined up with the new House members. Is there someone we should talk to from your district? Email lauren.dezenski@cnn.com with your suggestions -- and thanks to everyone who has already reached out! | |  | Why the shutdown over Trump's border wall could break records | | As the partial shutdown drags into week three, President Trump and congressional Democrats are digging in, as each side refuses to budge over the battle to fund a border wall.
And if you haven't -- subscribe to The Point on YouTube! | | ANOTHER MANAFORT CURVEBALL | |  | We have another twist in the loop-de-loop that is special counsel Robert Mueller's Russia investigation.
What happened today? We learned that Mueller believes Paul Manafort was sharing polling data and working on a Ukraine peace plan with his close Russian-government-linked associate, Konstantin Kilimnik, while he led the Trump campaign, according to CNN's Katelyn Polantz (and emphasis Lauren's own).
Why does this matter? The timing is everything here -- if Manafort is found to have shared this information with Russian-tied entities during his time working for the Trump campaign, it deflates President Trump's insistence that the Russia investigation has nothing to do with collusion between his campaign and Russia (who can forget "no collusion!"). | | Beto O'Rourke is hitting the road! The former Texas Rep. is planning a solo road trip -- sans press -- outside of Texas as he weighs entering the ever-growing presidential field. He will visit places like community colleges and is avoiding the states with the brightest 2020 glare, at least for now.
Tom Steyer: Speaking of an ever-growing presidential field... The California billionaire will make an announcement in Iowa tomorrow about his "political plans for 2019 and beyond." 👀
Kamala Harris: The California senator, complete with a fresh-off-the-presses memoir, seems to be enjoying playing coy about her presidential aspirations. As she said on The View this morning: "I'm pleased to announce on 'The View' that I'm not ready to make my announcement." | |
AND THE WALL WOULD MAKE 32 | | President Trump is weighing a national emergency to construct his border wall, which begs the question, how unprecedented is declaring a national emergency?
Turns out there are 31 active national emergencies -- some that are in place date back to the Carter administration (like the one from 1979 blocking Iranian government property).
CNN's Ryan Struyk has more. | |  | | From Brenna: "Looks like my fellow Floridian Rick Scott also thought coming to DC would be a good idea. One-upping me, he became a senator to do so. Sidebar: Doesn't that kid with the glasses look like our very own Chris Cillizza? Share The Point with your favorite Floridian! (We all know one.)" | | | | | | |
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